“I do not know what I am doing,” she said flatly.
“Mate, what am I up to? I got no fucking idea,” she said, her eyes sparkling.
It’s odd that her eyes sparkled as she said that, because eyes can only sparkle when they reflect light. That light is external and has nothing to do with someone’s mood. Maybe her eyes widened, which eyes can do, and that provided a very slightly bigger reflective surface. Anyway, as she spoke her eyes sparkled!
So which line of dialogue is better?
I worked out a new principle for testing this.
It’s not enough to read it aloud to yourself. You have to test it by shouting it out in a pub and seeing if the wording embarrasses you.
Trialed it.
Please send bail.
On reflection, I shouldn’t have started with a sex scene.
